SINGAPORE — Which stereotype did you fit in, back when you were a university student? Were you the nerd who was on a first-name basis with your professors, the jock who took all the easy-A classes, or the wannabe gamer kid who spent his or her college years button mashing?
No matter what you were during your undergraduate years, you’ll probably find a version of yourself in Monsters University, the prequel to Pixar’s popular 2001 animation Monsters, Inc. After all, the movie’s creators have said the characters in Monsters University, which opens in Singapore on June 20, are based on college types.
Now we’re not sure if Pixar will ever make a Monsters movie set in Singapore, but if they do, we have some ideas on the monster characters they can use.
Don’t worry, guys. It’s on us.
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SHIRLEY, THE OFFICE LADY. Shirley looks like a clock on legs. In fact, she IS a clock on legs. She knows exactly when she will need to leave her home to arrive at work on time, exactly when to leave the office to beat the crowds at lunch, and when to knock off so she doesn’t look bad in front of the boss. Shirley can also be easily identified on public transport, amid all the other Singapore monsters: She’s in frilly blouses with knee-length skirts a la G2000, smiling absent-mindedly at the Korean or Taiwanese drama she’s streaming on her phone.
TAN AH SENG, THE COFFEE SHOP UNCLE. Mr Tan is a retiree or elderly man who knows how to make his money last. For just S$1.20, which buys him a cup of kopi-o, Mr Tan can sit for hours in the same spot, reading his newspapers, complaining about the government with other coffee shop uncles, or just observing the general populace (*cough* Tiger beer girls *cough*). We imagine our Mr Tan would be in an old white singlet and shorts, with one very huge and very hairy leg — his only leg, in fact — propped on his chair. He’s also got one huge eyeball, like Monsters University’s Mike Wakowski. And it automatically focuses on the sexiest lady nearby.
BRENDAN, THE RICH KID. Brendan’s entire face is comprised of lots of perpetually pursed lips, because he’s judging the peasants in his vicinity and he wants you to know that. Unlike you, Brendan knows how to appreciate the finer things in life. He knows how to pair cigars with the right whiskey, who to call to have his custom Maserati shipped from abroad, and has his broker on speed dial.
PAULINE, THE AUNTIE. Don’t be duped by her floral shirts and rotund figure — Pauline is the most formidable person on this list. Like a huge (and very agile) slug, she navigates wet markets like a ninja on a roof (we’re mixing metaphors here, we know). She will elbow every man, woman and child out of her way so she can be the first to board the train or bus. Pauline’s only weakness: Free gifts. She’ll buy or subscribe to anything if you promise something free in return.
AH BENG, THE BENG. Ah Beng is really more of, well, a thing. We can’t tell what’s underneath all that oily golden hair-fur, but we can tell he’s in the vicinity because he reeks of sweat and a thousand cigarettes. Our eighteen-year-old whatever-it-is- hangs out at pool parlours because he’s too cool for school. Just remember not to stare at Ah Beng — he’s probably got a parang hidden in his jeans. At least we think he’s wearing some.
Who else do you think should be on this list? Tell us below!
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